Life is Great and Also Sucks

I need a place that isn't Facebook. Something that's a little more... anonymous or less so but more locked down. I'm going to make my own blog where my friends and I can all write together. It won't be the same. At this point, it may not even be pretty but I need it so badly I can hardly stand it. So... that. As soon as I can... and this, in the meantime.

 

It's interesting to read back on my last post, in 2019... before The Pandemic really affected me directly. I was lonely and seeking adult connection and romance. I'm glad I can't go back and tell her it would only get much worse for the next year and a half, maybe just barely two years, before things started looking up. Before she moved back to College Town, which is a change she wouldn't see coming. It's been a good one, but I don't know if she could see that then. She might need to get more isolated first to appreciate it... in any case, perhaps that knowledge wouldn't help. Or maybe she could come up with a better solution. Since I still can't, that seems unlikely, but who knows.

I'm glad I can't warn her that she and L are going to get about thisclose to divorce before things start really looking up. I *would* tell her that she's going to get a shrink and that's going to help. A lot at first but a little bit for a long time... she may need to break up with the shrink and find someone she connects with more deeply but... right now, I'm looking for more and better ways to connect with the people I know well. That is a much older and more pressing need, I think.

 

And there's a longing. A longing for belonging. For answers to the universe. A need to process some of the things going on or that have gone on.... A longing for magic. I wish I could act or be part of some bigger something. Something special. Something that other people see and are impressed with. Something that requires getting to know other people more deeply and more often. I think little l and I will be so happy to do that together. Hell, possibly as a whole family, some day... but not while the pandemic continues to rage on... I want it to calm the fuck down soon anyway. That can't happen soon enough. We all have so much to heal from. 

 

And I want a place that's safer/better for Climate Change reasons. Having family and friends around is a type of safe/good that way. Maybe that overrides the things I'm concerned about. I hope it at least does for now.

I hope you're well, whoever you are.